Just going to get right down to it this week. We play at Indiana University, and I HATE IU. HATE THEM, CAN'T STAND THEM, so FUCK IU! It's our rival game and we play for the Old Oaken Bucket, which pretty much resides in West Lafayette, lets hope it stays that way. This is a big game for both teams as their bowl lives hang in the balance.
Guest pickers this week are two of my favorites, and they will be doing Battle of the Alumni part II, although they have a little more knowledge of football than Skii and Design. I am talking about none other than Mr Shife, and The Duck! Their respective schools play this week as well, and it's why they were chosen. So, onto the picks.
Pittsburgh Steelers at New York Jets- For Dabich and Rocket(Pittsburgh)Phats- J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS, have no chance in hell
PITTSBURGH 31 new york 14Mr Shife- This a simple one – the Jets suck, the Steelers don’t.
Pittsburgh 35, New York 14Duck- Man I hate the Steelers (and since I'm a Seattle fan, I should actually be spelling it Stealers to be true to my fanhood), and I'd love to see them lose, but they look darn good this year. Worthless-burger and Wee Willie Parker will light up the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets and W-I-N the game.
Stealers 27 – Jets 10
EDIT FINAL SCORE NEW YORK 19 pittsburgh 16
Phats = D'oh
Shife = D'oh
Duck = D'oh
Miami Dolphins at Philadelphia Eagles- For Shannon(Philly)
Phats- Not sure who to pick here, I like Shannon so GO EAGLES!
PHILADELPHIA 28 miami 21
Mr Shife- Hmmm, another simple one – the Dolphins suck, the Eagles … hey wait a minute the Eagles kind of suck too. But their level of suckiness does not compare to the Dolphins. Plus the game is in Philly, and if the Eagles lose there might be a riot of unseen proportions. So for the good of mankind the Eagles better win.
Philadelphia 27, Miami 10Duck- This one's kinda tough. At some point you have to think that Miami's going to get a win. St. Louis got their first win at New Orleans, and who predicted that one? Having said that, the Eagles should win this one relatively easily.
Eagles 24 – Dolphins 13
EDIT FINAL SCORE PHILADELPHIA 17 miami 7
Phats = WOOHOO
Shife = WOOHOO
Duck = WOOHOO
Washington Redskins at Dallas Cowboys- For Gary(Dallas)
Phats- I don't like Dallas, but Gary is a cool guy so I will pick them. Besides Romo is no longer with my girlfriend Carrie Underwood
DALLAS 31 washington 21
Mr Shife- Do you like either team? No
Can you shorten their nicknames to sound like gay street gangs? Yes. The ‘Boys and the ‘Skins.
Damn it. We have to go to a tiebreaker.
Who has bigger boobs – the Hogs or the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders? Cowboy cheerleaders.
Dallas 31, Washington 24
Duck- Ah, the classic duel between the cowboys and the native Americans. Well, we all know who wins this battle don't we? Dallas should win this one with their fairly tough D and Tony "grins like an idiot" Romo hurling the ball all over the field. Oh, and if that doesn't work, maybe they can pull out some measles-covered blankets and finish the job…
'Boys 23 – Skins 17
EDIT FINAL SCORE DALLAS 28 washington 23
Phats = WOOHOO
Shife = WOOHOO
Duck = WOOHOO
Louisiana Monroe at Alabama Crimson Tide- For Gary and Cheryl(Alabama)
Phats- I am not suppose to pick Bama but I made a deal with Cherly that I get a free pass this week. I will fully take the blame if they lose this game.
ALABAMA 44 louisiana monroe 14
Mr Shife- Anytime your school name could also realistically be a name of stripper is not good.
Now taking the center stage, please give a warm welcome to Louisiana Monroe.Alabama 49, Louisiana Monroe 13
Duck- Louisiana Monroe? That's an actual school? With an actual football team? The tide rolls in this one.
Crimson Tide 34 – Warhawks (I had to look up the name) 3
EDIT FINAL SCORE LOUISIANA MONROE 21 alabama 14
Phats = D'oh
Shife = D'oh
Duck = D'oh
Duke Blue Devils at Notre Dame Fighting Irish- For David(Duke)
Phats- This is the pillow fight of the week, can the fighting basketballers take out Fat Charlie's kids? Would Fat Charlie be in great danger of losing his job if he loses this? Probably not but it'd still be funny to see
DUKE 28 notre dame 24
Mr Shife- Anytime your school name could also realistically be in the Poop Thesaurus is not good.
Now taking the center stage after taking a Duke, please give a warm welcome to Louisiana Monroe.Notre Dame 35, Duke 24
Duck- Everyone's beating up on Notre Dame this year, so if there's ever a year Duke could beat the Irish, it's this one. Chalk up another embarrassing home loss for Notre Dame.
Blue Devils 20 – Fighting Irish 17
EDIT FINAL SCORE NOTRE DAME 28 duke 7
Phats = D'oh
Shife = WOOHOO
Duck = D'oh
Kent State Golden Flashes at Temple Owls- For Design Goddess(Kent State)
Phats- Temple used to be the lauhging stock of college football until joining the MAC, they have had a decent season. It will continue with a win over the Golden Flashes
TEMPLE 35 kent state 31
Mr Shife- I think I picked
Kent State last year because they have an awesome nickname. The Golden Flashes. I don’t know what it means but it is cool. Maybe that is what you get when you flash a stranger for the 1,000
th time.
Kent State 24, Temple 13
Duck- Huge matchup between two 3-7 teams from the MAC, where juggernauts like Miami of Ohio and Central Michigan dominate… This is the game of the week, people!
Golden Flashes 21 – Owls 12
EDIT FINAL SCORE TEMPLE 24 kent state 14
Phats = WOOHOO
Shife = D'oh
Duck = D'oh
Vanderbilt Commodores at Tennessee Volunteers- For Tiggysmum(Tennessee)
Phats- This is a rivalry game right, or a one sided rivalry game. UT rolls
TENNESSEE 41 vanderbilt 20
Mr Shife- Did you know Vanderbilt was named after the ‘70s supergroup, the Commodores, and their lead singer at one time was the L-train, Lionel Richie? Lionel is the man. If Vanderbilt was named the Vanderbilt Lionels they would be my favorite team.
But they aren’t and they are not as good as
Tennessee.
Tennessee 28, Vanderbilt 21
Duck- Umm, I will be upfront and admit I don't know anything about either of these teams. I do know that Tennessee is pretty good, and "Vandy" is not, so I'll go with the Vols here. Oh, and why is there a team named after a defunct type of personal computer anyway? I don't get it…
Volunteers 34 – Commodores 7
EDIT FINAL SCORE TENNESSEE 25 vanderbilt 24
Phats = WOOHOO
Shife = WOOHOO
Duck = WOOHOO
West Virginia Mountaineers at Cincinnati Bearcats- For Angel Jr(West Virginia)
Phats- This should be a good game, Cincy is playing much better. They are at home and will pull the big upset this week in a close one
CINCINNATI 35 west virginia 28 OT
Mr Shife- Usually the mascots are scary but I just looked up a Bearcat and I think I could take him. The really interesting thing is it neither a bear nor a cat. Kind of like a tranny is not really a dude or a chick. So based on my retarded logic
Cincinnati could be the Fighting Transvestites.
West Virginia just has dental problems so I am going with the Mountaineers.
West Virginia 45, Cincinnati 28
Duck- Well you know I have to go for the Mountaineers in this one don't I? Cincinnati has been surprisingly good this year, but the Slaton/White combo will be too much for them to handle.
Mountaineers 47 – Bearcats 30
EDIT FINAL WEST VIRGINIA 28 cincinnati 23
Phats = D'oh
Shife = WOOHOO
Duck = WOOHOO
Oklahoma Sooners at Texas Tech Red Raiders- For Jef and Fuzz(texas tech)
Phats- This one is simple OU is good Texas Tech is not.
OKLAHOMA 52 texas tech 14
Mr Shife- This is tough. No not the game.
Oklahoma wins easy. It is just tough trying to come up with some reason why I pick the teams I do. The rational reason to pick
Oklahoma is because they are better, but you are not reading this for balance and objectivity. If you want that you should watch Fox news. And yes that buzzing sound you just heard was a sarcasm meter.
Oklahoma 35, Texas Tech 17
Duck- Oklahoma (aka "The team that lost to Boise State") wins against the TTRR.
Sooners 42 – Red Raiders 24
EDIT FINAL SCORE TEXAS TECH 34 oklahoma 27
Phats = D'oh
Shife = D'oh
Duck = D'oh
Ohio State Buckeyes at Michigan Wolverines- For Scott(Michigan)
Phats- Boy how these teams screwed up last week or this game would have been huge, now they are playing to see who gets the rose bowl, give me the fighting sweaters
OHIO STATE 31 michigan 21
Mr Shife- This is a tough one. Both teams coming off losses, and wanting to get back on track.
Michigan is at home. It is a rivalry game so anything can happen.
Ohio State could win but so could
Michigan. How do I pick? If there was only a really cheesy movie in 1984
starring Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Leah Thompson, and Charlie Sheen that could give me guidance? Thank you “Red Dawn” for showing me the way.
Michigan 21, Ohio State 20
Duck- I watched with glee as "The" Ohio State University lost last week to the Illini, but I think they'll win this week against an extremely inconsistent Michigan team. I've just got to say though, how lame of a mascot is a buckeye? It's a freaking nut. Awesome.
Buckeyes 38 – Wolverines 24
EDIT FINAL SCORE OHIO STATE 14 michigan 3
Phats = WOOHOO
Shife = D'oh
Duck = WOOHOO
BIG GAME OF THE WEEK 1
Boston College Eagles at Clemson Tigers
Phats- This could be one of the best games on Saturday, I give a slight edge to Clemson because they are playing at home
CLEMSON 41 boston college 28
Mr Shife- OK, I am going to let the 6% of me that is gay pick this game. Who in the hell told Clemson that purple and orange make a fabulous combination? Oh it hurts my eyes just looking at that color arrangement. Seriously purple and orange.
BC 28, Clemson 24
Duck- Hmm, let's see BC bounce back from their little two game losing streak and post a win at Clemson.
Eagles 24 – Tigers 21
EDIT FINAL SCORE BOSTON COLLEGE 20 clemson 17
Phats = D'oh
Shife = WOOHOO
Duck = WOOHOO
BIG GAME OF THE WEEK 2
Kentucky Wildcats at Georgia Bulldogs
Phats- if this were a cheerleading contest it would be over UK would win hands down, but this is a football game. The Dawgs will win this and quite convincingly I might add
GEORGIA 42 kentucky 17
Mr Shife- My fat basset loves Bulldogs. On the computer all day long looking at scantily clad Bulldogs in provocative positions. What a furry freak. He likes his bitch to have a little junk in the trunk.
(Admit it, the only reason you watch dog shows is to hear a snooty white guy say bitch over and over).
Georgia 21, Kentucky 17
Duck- I dislike Georgia, but I kinda like Kentucky, and I hope they win "between the hedges". WTF is that about anyway? What are the hedges? Can someone enlighten me? Yeah, I'm too lazy to even google it.
Kentucky 27 – Georgia 20
EDIT FINAL SCORE GEORGIA 24 kentucky 13
Phats = WOOHOO
Shife = WOOHOO
Duck = D'oh
Idaho Vandals at Boise State Broncos- For Shife(Idah0), and Duck(Boise State)
Phats- Hmm who do I pick here? I should just make it a tie, damn you overtime! I think the only chance Idaho has, is if BSU is overlooking them for their big match with Hawaii. Sorry Shife, don't see that happening
BOISE STATE 42 idaho 28
Mr Shife- On paper this is a blowout. BSU is ranked in the top 20, at home on the smurf turf, and
Idaho has only 1 win this season. Plus, I might starve if
Idaho wins. All of the
Boise State grads that work at the fast-food restaurants and pizza joints will be at home crying themselves to sleep in their parent’s basement so I would have nowhere to eat after the game. I know what is going to happen, but you gotta be true to your school.
Idaho 38, Boise State 35.
Duck- Boise State's played a few close ones against Idaho in recent years, but I don't think this will be one of them. The Broncos whoop up on Idaho in their warmup for Hawaii.
Broncos 48 – Vandals 10
EDIT FINAL SCORE BOISE STATE 58 idaho 14
Phats = WOOHOO
Shife = D'oh
Duck = WOOHOO
Purdue Boilermakers at Indiana Hoosiers
Mr Shife- Indiana, can I ask you one question – Hoosier your daddy? That’s right. Purdue has owned you for a long time. Purdue continues its domination unless Joe Tiller starts throwing back Boilermakers before the game and lets a monkey call the plays.
Purdue 31, Indiana 27
Duck- Indiana's good at basketball, not football. Purdue steamrolls the Hoosiers in this one. BTFU!!! ;)
Boilermakers 37 – Hoosiers 20
Phats- Well, IU has had a great season but we will not only win and retain the bucket, but we will keep them home for the holidays with this win as well. It will stay close for a half and then Purdue roars in the second winning easy.
PURDUE 55 indiana 21
EDIT FINAL SCORE INDIANA 27 purdue 24 :(
Phats = D'oh
Shife = D'oh
Duck = D'oh
Phats = 7 WOOHOO's 7 D'ohs
Shife = 7 WOOHOO's 7 D'ohs
Duck = 7 WOOHOO's 7 D'ohs
Hail Hail to old Purdue all Hail to our old gold and black
Hail Hail to old Purdue our friendship may she never lack
Ever Grateful, ever true thus we raise our song a new FIRE UP!
Of the days we've spent with you, all Hail our old Purdue
GO BOILERS!
BTFU!!!